Love found, lost and the getting over technques
*** additional stuff 05-14-06**
I remembered Item 10 on getting over techniques... but I dont recommend using it unless you have a good reason to.
10. Turn to hate. If the instances to cause you to get over a person was bad, use that and everything negtive the person has done in the past to hate the person. To practically convince yourself that you are better off. Use everything bad that person has done to completely wipe that person off you life. But dont be vengeful..just forget and move on.
Also on item 8, it really helps if your busy and preoccupied, it moves your attention and focus on more contructive things..BUT do not be too busy like what I experienced. I tried to get too busy but got over my head as work really was stressing me out..instead of just going home and falline asleep, at the end of the day I searched for comfort to ease my stress..ergo..back to feeling lonely.
****
Just recently got turned down. This is the 2nd time I got brokenhearted, although in different
settings, they felt he same so Im categorizing them as the same. When my Ex's and I broke up, either they , or We brokeup I didnt feel the same, the feeling was more of like a big vacuum , like ok what do I do now, there was no longing feeling for more that just got cut short. First time was during my first relationship, she went with another guy so that came as a suprise and took some months to get over it. Well the latest one is quite different. It was a love found , didnt recognize it as such..then lost it.
I think I'm really bad at reading signs and stuff. Few years ago I got off a relationship then started courting this girl "H" from our office and was going quite well, we haven't really hit it off but seemed to be on the way too when H was sent on a business trip. I followed her on her business trip but it seemed that chance would not grant us time to be together as she was busy tih work. I took that as a sign , I went back and I started going on friendly dates , but still had constant communication with H . Then I met "G", G was single too and we were usually with each other until we started to hit it off and she became my girlfriend. My reasoning then , G is there and we seem to hit it off more than with H. We liked more things in commong, when H returned she wasnt too happy about it , later on G and I broke off after a year (mutually due to some differences, we stayed friends seriously). Well H eventually broke off with her boyfriend so we got a chance again to go out and stuff. We started dating though not as regular and I always told my friend that I dont find as much chemistry with H as I hoped though there was the attraction. I did date with other girls as did H. Then I met "C" thru a common friend. I had no idea we would hit it off , I mean we liked the same stuff and we just couldnt stop talking about anything . So there I was again... between 2 women and failed at the first time it happened. So what did I do, I pursued the relationship with H even though seemingly C and I hit it off better. I told myself a> I know H longer , b> I was given a 2nd chance at H, c> maybe when we become a couple things would pickup between me and H in the chemistry department. Well so it went then , H became my girlfriend , C had a boyfriend. After a year of trying H and I brokeoff mutually(story of my life 3rd time) . C had broken off with her boyfriend some time before as well.We went out again as friends but not as often as before. After spending the holidays with her and a friend, I decided to ask her if there was anychance that we could be a couple. She gave me an I dont know answer. Initially I took it as is, that she was still enjoying her single life , and she really didnt want to get into a relationship, and also she told me that she got hurt the first time we didnt got together and that she was able to accept our friendship status so that is how she sees things.
After a week of just being plain lost , I told myself to snap out of it , wakeup and admit that what she just did is what friends usually say to friends so not to hurt them. It was a big No , and I should move on ... told myself I've been in this predicament before, I know what to do to get over this. Suprisingly I didnt expect to get affected this much. My feelings for her just grew which prompted me to ask her and get things straightened out. I thought by getting to know how she felt I could react accordingly. I was dead wrong... I fell into the phase wherein It was her face I would see when I closed my eyes and her face I would wish would be when someone moves at side of your eyes. I was still in love and fallin even though she just told me to stop. It started to affect my work and I would fall into stupors whenever I get quiet time to think... I tols myself then to suck it in... snap out of it... These are what I did and still do to get over this feeling or at least get me thru the next day :
1. Stay with friends, and keep busy. I guess this is the most important part, If I dont have time to think , I wont be able to.
2. Find constant companions
3. Avoid lovesongs and stories... stay with comedies , action etc. Anyhting that will fuel the feeling is not good.
4. Do stuff you like.
5. I think this is the most important part, acceptance.
6. Avoid or lessen communication, during my first breakup I eliminated all communication with her, in this case we , well I am anyway(another story), still trying not to lose the friendship.
7. alcohol doesnt help, fun does.
8. Avoid getting idle.
9. The most effective thing is to find someone else. but this time im very apprehensive to find someone yet as I would be very weak and accepting during this period, dont want to be in a fallback relationship and just end up hurting someone .
I tell myself repeatedly that I guess its not yet my time, my destiny. I came to apoint that thinking , what if 10 yrs from now I would be spending a nice lazy afternoon with C, and I was very OK with that, so here I am now convincing myself If I can have this feeling for someone and its the 2nd time this happened, then It should happen again. Hopefully soon.. And hopefully sooner rather than later all this mind conditioning works, and my mind finally persuades my heart to snap out of it.
I remembered Item 10 on getting over techniques... but I dont recommend using it unless you have a good reason to.
10. Turn to hate. If the instances to cause you to get over a person was bad, use that and everything negtive the person has done in the past to hate the person. To practically convince yourself that you are better off. Use everything bad that person has done to completely wipe that person off you life. But dont be vengeful..just forget and move on.
Also on item 8, it really helps if your busy and preoccupied, it moves your attention and focus on more contructive things..BUT do not be too busy like what I experienced. I tried to get too busy but got over my head as work really was stressing me out..instead of just going home and falline asleep, at the end of the day I searched for comfort to ease my stress..ergo..back to feeling lonely.
****
Just recently got turned down. This is the 2nd time I got brokenhearted, although in different
settings, they felt he same so Im categorizing them as the same. When my Ex's and I broke up, either they , or We brokeup I didnt feel the same, the feeling was more of like a big vacuum , like ok what do I do now, there was no longing feeling for more that just got cut short. First time was during my first relationship, she went with another guy so that came as a suprise and took some months to get over it. Well the latest one is quite different. It was a love found , didnt recognize it as such..then lost it.
I think I'm really bad at reading signs and stuff. Few years ago I got off a relationship then started courting this girl "H" from our office and was going quite well, we haven't really hit it off but seemed to be on the way too when H was sent on a business trip. I followed her on her business trip but it seemed that chance would not grant us time to be together as she was busy tih work. I took that as a sign , I went back and I started going on friendly dates , but still had constant communication with H . Then I met "G", G was single too and we were usually with each other until we started to hit it off and she became my girlfriend. My reasoning then , G is there and we seem to hit it off more than with H. We liked more things in commong, when H returned she wasnt too happy about it , later on G and I broke off after a year (mutually due to some differences, we stayed friends seriously). Well H eventually broke off with her boyfriend so we got a chance again to go out and stuff. We started dating though not as regular and I always told my friend that I dont find as much chemistry with H as I hoped though there was the attraction. I did date with other girls as did H. Then I met "C" thru a common friend. I had no idea we would hit it off , I mean we liked the same stuff and we just couldnt stop talking about anything . So there I was again... between 2 women and failed at the first time it happened. So what did I do, I pursued the relationship with H even though seemingly C and I hit it off better. I told myself a> I know H longer , b> I was given a 2nd chance at H, c> maybe when we become a couple things would pickup between me and H in the chemistry department. Well so it went then , H became my girlfriend , C had a boyfriend. After a year of trying H and I brokeoff mutually(story of my life 3rd time) . C had broken off with her boyfriend some time before as well.We went out again as friends but not as often as before. After spending the holidays with her and a friend, I decided to ask her if there was anychance that we could be a couple. She gave me an I dont know answer. Initially I took it as is, that she was still enjoying her single life , and she really didnt want to get into a relationship, and also she told me that she got hurt the first time we didnt got together and that she was able to accept our friendship status so that is how she sees things.
After a week of just being plain lost , I told myself to snap out of it , wakeup and admit that what she just did is what friends usually say to friends so not to hurt them. It was a big No , and I should move on ... told myself I've been in this predicament before, I know what to do to get over this. Suprisingly I didnt expect to get affected this much. My feelings for her just grew which prompted me to ask her and get things straightened out. I thought by getting to know how she felt I could react accordingly. I was dead wrong... I fell into the phase wherein It was her face I would see when I closed my eyes and her face I would wish would be when someone moves at side of your eyes. I was still in love and fallin even though she just told me to stop. It started to affect my work and I would fall into stupors whenever I get quiet time to think... I tols myself then to suck it in... snap out of it... These are what I did and still do to get over this feeling or at least get me thru the next day :
1. Stay with friends, and keep busy. I guess this is the most important part, If I dont have time to think , I wont be able to.
2. Find constant companions
3. Avoid lovesongs and stories... stay with comedies , action etc. Anyhting that will fuel the feeling is not good.
4. Do stuff you like.
5. I think this is the most important part, acceptance.
6. Avoid or lessen communication, during my first breakup I eliminated all communication with her, in this case we , well I am anyway(another story), still trying not to lose the friendship.
7. alcohol doesnt help, fun does.
8. Avoid getting idle.
9. The most effective thing is to find someone else. but this time im very apprehensive to find someone yet as I would be very weak and accepting during this period, dont want to be in a fallback relationship and just end up hurting someone .
I tell myself repeatedly that I guess its not yet my time, my destiny. I came to apoint that thinking , what if 10 yrs from now I would be spending a nice lazy afternoon with C, and I was very OK with that, so here I am now convincing myself If I can have this feeling for someone and its the 2nd time this happened, then It should happen again. Hopefully soon.. And hopefully sooner rather than later all this mind conditioning works, and my mind finally persuades my heart to snap out of it.
posted by Davidmakulit at
2:58 PM
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